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One Side: One Friend's Perspective

Sometimes she films me while I’m eating. I’ll see myself on her social media – it’s like a sudden shock.

My best friend of 10 years, Marielle, calls herself the “content queen”. It can be amusing for a bit, but it strains our relationship.

Being highly outgoing, she feels the need to record everything constantly. When we eat out, she says, “The camera eats first,” and takes photos with bright lighting, which makes me cringe. I don’t like it when other people see her posing or filming – I get vicarious awkwardness. Another annoyance is because meals lose their warmth.

She isn’t exactly an influencer yet, but Marielle is aspiring to become one. She creates video blogs about living in our city, a day in her life, and her styling career. The material is quality, credit where it's due, but I don’t want to be involved. On occasion I'm captured while dining, or just accompanying her. Later, I appear on her Instagram afterwards, and it pops up like a surprise: I might be no makeup on, an awkward face or photographed while eating. It feels invasive.

She also anticipates that I will to film her at inconvenient times. Sometimes I'm in conversation to another person, or we're simply spending time in the street. I feel like our friendship has transformed into me serving as her unpaid videographer. She has the means to employ someone if she wanted professional shots. When I brought up my discomfort about the situation, she dismissed it. She’s taken me to a couple of brand events, which was nice, but that doesn’t make up for all the energy I spend helping her create material.

I’m grateful that Marielle has supported me with my career in design, but I don’t want our friendship to become merely a tally of exchanges. I don’t feel she’s fake or dishonest, but at times I feel that if recording starts, we will start performing in a way that makes us look good for her vlog.

She will say, “OK, look happy!” and record me smiling with someone. It feels forced. It's crucial her to understand that our 10-year friendship still has limits. I love being with her, but I also desire to experience it without being filmed, altered, or shared for an viewers. I’m not a accessory for her online persona.

The Defence: Marielle

I want Beth to see that the creations we make together can get us a foot in the door.

I love creating videos. It's more than a pastime; it's integral to who I am. Producing content and documenting experiences online enables me to express myself and engage with people in new ways.

I don’t see myself as a professional creator yet, but it’s smart to generate income from your interests. I admire people on TikTok who pull off that aesthetic of informal, self-made content creation.

Creating content is my interpretation of engaging with life: observing the details, sharing them with an viewership that appreciates the craft behind it. I never intend to make my friend uneasy. Bringing her to professional gatherings was my way of offering access, giving her a opportunity to experience exclusive moments that could benefit her career in design too. That isn't blackmail, it’s just being pragmatic.

I’d still take her to these events even if she refused to assist me, but I desire her to see what the content we create together can achieve: an opening. I understand not all people likes being on camera, but sometimes unplanned moments is what makes content authentic. Being recorded from time to time is an inherent aspect of being my companion. I would delete anything she requested, but she hasn't made such a request yet.

I don't demand anybody to be my private videographer, but companions help each other in small ways. My assumption was filming a clip here or there would be fun for Beth. Innovation thrives in collaboration, and having my friend around makes endeavors energetic and pleasurable. I don't compel her to participate in anything, and I would never deliberately humiliate her. But filming together sometimes is part of how I record our shared experiences.

I value our friendship deeply and want to avoid making videos to come between us. I’m willing to find middle ground: like asking before filming, and steering clear of shots that might make her self-conscious.

This is not about power, it’s about expressing my perspective while still considering hers. Obviously making content is not a replacement for real connection: it’s just part of how I experience life and I want her to be involved in a way that’s agreeable for each of us.

The Jury: Reader Opinions

Should Marielle stop filming herself and her friend when they are socializing?

Nothing is more uncomfortable than having a companion film you. I understand that it’s Marielle’s passion, but I don’t make friends come to my workplace. Perhaps she can find influencer friends to collaborate with. Given the dark, looming future of AI, human connections are the only thing we have – don’t waste them!
A respondent, 25

If you’re doing something professionally, you can’t ask your friends for help repeatedly, even if they have helped previously. While she enjoys shooting, that doesn’t mean all those around her is content. She must to honor Beth’s privacy.
Another reader, 26

She may enjoy producing videos and showing off her life online, but it’s not for everybody. It was kind she has assisted her friend professionally, but she needs to listen to what Beth wants.
A commenter, 27

It seems like you value each other, so cling to that and make sure it’s the priority in your friendship. Create some real memories, where true emotions are preserved, not online archives. In fact, celebrities who seem to share their worlds actually have more privacy than it appears.
Sarah, 53

Marielle appears to be not fully engaged nor authentic when she’s with Beth – she’s working. Both seem confused as to where the line is. The solution is not found in trying to alter one another, but in each setting defined boundaries around what feels acceptable to them and seeing if there is an acceptable middle ground.
A final view, 71

Your Turn to Be the Judge

In an online poll: is Marielle exploiting their friendship?